girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
