That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
