Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
