im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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