Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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