Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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