And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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