Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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