she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
