It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
