she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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