i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
