I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
