I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
