Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
