Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
