Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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