I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
