How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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