Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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