Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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