Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
