I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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