so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my being single is dangerous.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There r osticjed everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
