Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
