wakey wakey hands off snakey
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
