You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this boner is exhausting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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