beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
