Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
