Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
