the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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