ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
