apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dignity is for republicans.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
