You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
