And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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