but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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