the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
