don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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