never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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