when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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