My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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