I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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