it was like eating out sand paper
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
