I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
