is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
