so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
