I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
