maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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