Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
