i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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