You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
