We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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