carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
